I hate that the only times I ever remember to blog are the times when I'm most upset. Maybe that's why so many blogs on the internet are emo. What a revelation.

I feel absolutely worthless today and the worst part is that I feel completely justified feeling this way, and at the same time I disgust myself for indulging in this pity-party. Part of myself tells myself to "pick up your goddamn feet and do something about it" and the other half says, "but it's much too late, I've dug this hole for myself and there's no way out." And because I'm so torn, I can neither mope effectively, or get anything done. This in turn, makes me feel even WORSE. In short, I feel sad for being angry at myself for being sad. This retarded circle continues to spin.

I tried talking to a few people, but nothing seems to help. The few people I actually wanted advice from treated me with half-assed attention or had no desire in making me any part of their business. So now instead of feeling even the slightest bit better, I feel abandoned.

Now, I look forward to getting out of this funk. Because when I do, I'll know I did it on my own, with literally no help from others. And because I'm angry, here's a giant "fuck you" to everyone else.

Seriously.

Oh, and I still want a piano.

As promised, I've returned to post once again.

Perhaps it's the estrogen from the birth control pills, or the unusual chain of events recently, but I've been on another introspective binge again. This time the topic at hand is moving away from Seattle.

Because my family moved around so much as a child, I'm not sure I know how to adapt to living in one place for a prolonged period of time. Moving to Seattle was one of the best decisions I've ever made but, I've exhausted the novelty of it. I feel like I've gotten everything I've wanted from Seattle and I'm ready to move on. I want to move away again. I want something completely different. Maybe I'll head down to California, New York City, or better yet, across the ocean to the U.K.

As much as I love the family I've created here, I'm so tired of everyone knowing everything about each other. They aren't a mystery anymore.

I love the UW, but it's just a school, a boring one at that. There's so much I want to learn about that they can't even begin to offer me.

I love the ocean, the rain, the mountains and the city, but I can find those again.

For better or for worse, I think it's time to leave.